Why I, Kenntron, President of Mars, made it rain on Akron, OH last night, is dogs. You guys are scarring the dogs with your fireworks.
All of the loud noise of the celebration gives our dogs anxiety. It is not good for poodles, dobermans, rotts, pits, golden retrievers, whatever Beathoven is, corgis (they are innocent), greyhounds, chihuahuas, chupacabra, great danes, pugs, wolverines, wolves or shibs, none of the above. We disturb the peace of our pets for tradition and so I rained on the parade.
To my dismay, there were fireworks persisting for longer than expected. I almost put in the order to my henchmen to increase the downpour. It was only meant to be a light rain to sizzle out all of the fuses in Akron. One would assume only a light rain would extinguish the soundtrack of a warzone. Yall are wild, but not too wild as dogs could only hope with worrying puppy eyes.
I mean not to misrepresent or hate on Independence Day by geoengineering the festivities. Happy 4th of July, everybody.
In cooperation with my Earth Based Martian Government Model ForGlobal Government, and Kardashian/Trump Oval Office, the city of Akron would put on a laser light show in the air to give proof through the night that our flag was still there. We would see hologram Thomas and Mina Miller Edison in the air. Rain would actually make our light show awesome, so.
I am not sorry. Happy 4th of July.
